"How Long Have You Been Spiritual?"

REPOST FROM 2 FEBRUARY 2020

Please kindly note that the below content is a direct 'cut and paste' from an e-journal entry that I had sent to myself from my AROMACRAFTS email inbox, which is now officially shut down... I did not want to lose this content and so, I decided to share it here for my own personal memory of the "journey" I travelled to finally get here. :)

----------------------

To be honest, I find this question very difficult to answer because spirituality can mean so many different things. It is a broad concept with various view points. Furthermore, I often find that the very people who ask "how long" someone has been on the the spiritual path for are usually treating this life-long investment as some sort of race or competition. They want to find out who is "further ahead" on this path, which actually reveals their level of consciousness and how much more work they need to do. Of course, this is not always the case. :)

Now, some people link spirituality with religious beliefs or philosophies (a positive “way of living”), while others see it as a deep understanding that there is something “greater” out there (e.g. a higher power). Some see it as one’s own connection to their soul (higher-self) and others may view spirituality as the spiritual practices/modalities itself (e.g. yoga, meditation, energy healing, witchcraft, herbalism). There are also those who view it as the connection with your spirit guides, angels and God. All of the above are correct, and is relative to each individual. As you can see, it’s pretty hard to answer the question unless you refine the question further.

Honestly, I feel like I have been in and out of "spirituality" at different stages of my life. It didn’t all start at once or at one single point in time, and it definitely was not a constant theme in my life. The fact is, I fell "off track" many, many times. And that's why I find it hard to answer the question, "How long have you been spiritual for?" or "How long have you been on the spiritual path?" With that said, let me share random pieces of my story. The moments in time where the affinity towards "spirituality" was there.

As a child, I always believed that there was more to life. I would gaze at the clouds or stars in the sky and wondered who made them and how they were made. I always believed in the existence of ghosts and aliens (even though I NEVER saw one and DIDN’T want nor intend on seeing one). Side Story: As a young child, I actually had many "visitations" from spirits in the dream state yet at the time, I did not realise that's what "they" (the floating strangers) were until later on in my life... These "dreams" really scared me and would cause me to wake up sweating. I never shared this with anyone as I had always thought they were simply strange dreams. As I got older and life got messier, the visitations stopped.

In addition, I absolutely loved watching fantasy and sci-fi movies (“Star Wars” and “Back to the Future” being some of my childhood favourites). Also, whilst watching Stargate (the original movie) one hot summer afternoon at high school, I truly believed that aliens had built the pyramids. Plus, a stern voice clearly said in my mind, "Yes, aliens helped build the pyramids not humans". I still remember that strange message to this day. That said, I obviously didn’t go around telling people my inner-most thoughts because I knew people would think I’m crazy. FYI, I had learned to be "silent" about many things from a young age to "keep the peace" for my own safety.

Both my father and I were obsessed with watching ancient Chinese TV series where the warriors or super heroes had special powers (e.g. shooting rays of energy from the palms of their hands and freezing people using certain pressure points in the chest). I often daydreamed and wished that I had super powers just like these heroic figures in the movie. My mind often wandered in and out of fantasyland as a child. It felt so much easier to imagine other worlds than actually live in this one...

I also have a childhood memory where my mum’s friend took my right hand and then started scanning the various lines on my right palm. After a minute or so, she paused and told me that I would be “very successful” one day. Honestly, I did not fully believe her at the time as I had many doubts around my earthly existence. Yet, I was still very much astonished at how she could foretell something like that just by looking at my hand. That was my very first encounter with palmistry!

In my teens, I was always fascinated by horoscopes and astrology (including the Chinese zodiac) and would always make sure to turn to the horoscopes page in magazines or newspapers (and once the internet came into being, I “Googled” the internet) to see what my horoscope had in store for me that month.

When I was about 13 years' old, my best friend convinced me to join a Buddhist youth group in which she was currently attending. It was there that I was properly introduced to Buddhism and learned about their teachings for about 3 years every Sunday. Although I was raised in a Buddhist family, I didn’t really know too much about their teachings or philosophies, not until I joined the Buddhist youth group. The strange thing was, whilst learning the “Buddhists' way of life” I somehow felt that I was already embodying many of their teachings. For example, I had always known that is important to always show kindness and compassion towards others, even if people are not willing to return that kindness. I always knew how to treat people respectfully. It came very naturally to me. I also experienced this same kind of “knowingness” later in life after reading the book, “How to win friends and influence people” by Dale Carnegie. Once I had finished the book, I sat there and thought, “Wow. I have not learned anything new from this book!” For me, Dale Carnegie’s book simply confirmed that I was "on track" - that I innately knew how to communicate and connect with various types of people, and my life experiences (numerous friendship circles and social networks) were evidence of that.

Another Side Note: Whilst I do have many great, positive memories as a child, I also had my dark moments too. I grew up feeling very different to all the other kids. I was hypersensitive, always anxious and I cried A LOT. If you teased me, even just a little, I would instantly cry and have a hysterical meltdown. I was actually a very fragile child. I went through many years of deep self-hatred because of this. I knew somehow I didn’t “fit in” and all I wanted was to be accepted by my friends, by my peers. And so, I tried really hard to change myself (to be more like them), but I realise now, how silly and detrimental that was to my soul. It just made me more sad and depressed on the inside as I wasn’t being true to who I really was and neglecting my inner-child. Thankfully though, things started to progressively improve after finishing high school. That said, it was a VERY SLOW process, but I got there in the end. I like myself much more now than I did back then. (Ok, so I still find it a little hard to GENUINELY say, “I love myself” and feel the truth of it).

In my early 20s (circa 2003), I had a close high school friend who had begun embarking on her spiritual journey quite early on (I guess you can call her an early adopter). At the time, she lent me several Hay House books on life lessons, soul purpose and also dream interpretations (I still have them with me). She also lent me the books, “Many Lives, Many Masters” and “Conversations with God”. She shared details about her hypnotherapy experiences and told me about the past lives that she had discovered. I was so intrigued by it all, and at no point did I ever question what she was telling me because I believed it all. I felt the truth of it. This friend had also encouraged me to look into becoming a nurse as she felt I had a natural healing energy and thought I’d make a good nurse. Although she specifically advised me against becoming a “palliative nursing” as she could envision me crying all the time because I was so soft and sensitive. Looking back, I was pretty close to walking down the spiritual path with her at that time but alas, reality (real life) took over. And so, she continued down the road that was designed for her, whilst I got distracted with conventional (3D) work and some very tough relationships (“lessons”) over the next decade. We were clearly running on different timelines. Plus, it simply wasn’t my time to "bloom" yet. My rebirth was divinely orchestrated to happen much, much later - after my mid-30s... :)

Around 2011, one of the girls at my workplace (corporate job) had told us about a recent tarot reading she had with a psychic-medium. It sounded so interesting, that I decided to book myself in for my first ever tarot reading (tea leaves and tarot cards to be exact). After the first session, I was ABSOLUTELY AMAZED! MIND BLOWN! How did the reader identify all these feelings and emotions that I had silently kept inside? No one knew these thoughts, but me? HOW did she just KNOW these things?!??

After that one reading in 2011, it became my annual ritual. My personal "therapy". I would book myself to see a psychic-medium to receive guidance and direction in my life each year (and I still do). The readings helped me to gain clarity, look to the brighter side of life, and also confirmed things I had always felt or "known" yet was too afraid to speak up about. For example, I had a feeling I was an old soul and somehow “knew” things without having experienced them in this lifetime, and both my personal readers (I have two that I alternate from) confirmed it for me. On separate occasions, they also told me that I was mentally very mature and held a lot of wisdom. (I also felt that too, but had a habit of down-playing it or “playing dumb” so to speak). Everything started to make perfect sense and also explained why I was always good at listening to people’s problems and then knowing what rational/sensible advice to give them in return. I could easily identify solutions for others. Now, whether they took the advice or not, that was another story. Honestly, tarot readings have been a real blessing and personally helped me through so many obstacles and tough stages in my life. I’m really so grateful to all my readers! They gave me HOPE during times where I could not see the way out, where I could not find the light.

Fast forward to September 2018, one late night, I had the sudden urge to treat myself to something "really nice”. Something "expensive". A piece of jewellery because I felt that I "deserved" it.

Background Story: Despite my external appearance, especially when I am out and about, looking all "glammed up", those that know me well, will know I’m not much of a shopaholic (in comparison to most females in today’s society). I'm not driven by materialism. I don't go around buying the latest trending bag to fit in with the cool crowd. Instead, I prefer to buy the weird, unique items. Truthfully, I only shop when I need to. For example, if a special occasion is coming up, or when I’ve “worn out” my wardrobe and desperately need an upgrade. Look, I’m more than happy to spend my money on others, but I personally find it hard spending on myself. I’m more of a “giver” rather than a “taker”. I might treat myself to expensive/fancy items once a year. Anyway, I am pretty sure I picked up this habit from my Dad. He works so hard yet rarely treats himself to new things. He will wear 20-year old pants with little holes in them because they are his favourite pair of pants... Yep. That's my Dad. He sacrifices much of his time and money to help others, which was often a "heightened topic of discussion" between him and my mother. She loathed that he was rarely around to help raise us (3) kids because he was choosing to accommodate/serve others over his own family. I imagine it was not always easy for my Mum. Anyway, my Dad is certainly not perfect and there are parts of me that wished he had behaved or dealt with his inner-demons differently whilst we were growing up. That said, there is no denying that at his core, my Dad is a very loving, generous and kind-hearted man. He has supported so many people in his lifetime - both financially and emotionally, and because of that, I have always been in awe of his love and compassion for others. His selflessness. Yet on the reverse side of all this, I also feel he should have set stronger personal boundaries and quit people pleasing (but that is a story for another time).

Anyhow, back on topic! So the search for the perfect piece of jewellery began and it is this one "true act of self-love" and the acknowledgement that I was “deserving” which became a big turning point in my life. Before I knew it, I was down the "mystical rabbit hole" - reading various articles on birthstones, gemstones, crystals and all their metaphysical healing properties. Like a sponge, I started absorbing all the information very, very quickly. I then found myself at a local crystal shop, investing in my spirituality aka buying crystals, smudging tools, singing bowls and what not. Whist at the crystal shop, I also picked up a tarot deck - thinking it would be fun to learn to do my own readings. And since then, I have never looked back! My collection of tarot and oracle cards continue to grow!

What I find most incredible is, as soon as I started to be open (public) about my obsession with crystals and all the spiritual (woo-woo) stuff I was getting into, others began approaching me (usually in the background) and telling me about their spiritual journey too. There were also those who were “curious" yet unsure about spirituality and so, they wanted to know more. So I did my part and helped them understand it. As time goes on, I am gradually connecting with more likeminded souls.

Anyway, this "spiritual adventure" has led me from one thing to another, and since really delving into it, I am finding that I am evolving quite rapidly (or perhaps I am simply reconnecting with my truths and innate gifts).

This path also led me to spontaneously start my own organic candle business (AromaCrafts) not really knowing where it will take me and how things will end up? But to be frank, it has never been about “getting rich”, it is more about helping others. Being the “light” so others could find their way out of the darkness. Now, after almost a year of launching the candle business, I finally understand that I need to pivot as the spiritual sphere is where my true career path awaits. Plus, in 2019, I had numerous psychics confirm that this would be my most heart-aligned path, my destiny, which has given me the extra push and motivation to continue to invest in my spiritual development and working towards manifesting that dream into physical form.

And so, this is where I start to redirect all my energy and focus towards my next chapter...

How long have I been spiritual? I don't know? You tell me. ;)